Are descrepancies between what people think love should be and what they say they are experiencing related to self reports of

• How much people say they love their partner;
• How much people say they like their partner;
• How much people say they lust after their partner;
• How satisfied people say they are with their relationship; and
• how likely they say they are to still be together in 5 years?

Yes!

To address this question, I created difference scores by subtracting their experience score from their concept score on each of the Love Test Scales:

• Total Concept Score - Total Experience Score
• Caregiving Concept Scale Score - Caregiving Experience Scale Score
• Attachment Concept Scale Score - Attachment Experience Scale Score
• Sexual Attraction Concept Scale Score - Sexual Attraction Experience Scale Score

Thus, for each difference score:

• People who scored higher on the experience version than on the concept version would have negative difference scores (they are getting more love than they expect).
• People who scored higher about the same on the experience version as on the concept version would have difference scores near zero (They are getting about what they expect from Love).
• People who scored lower on the experience version than on the concept version would have positive difference scores(they are getting less love than they expect).

In general, there are negative correlations between these difference scores on The Love Test scales and the self report measures.

For all the self-report items, people who used the lower range of the scale to describe their liking, love, lust, satisfaction, and likelihood of being together in 5 years had higher descrepancies between what they think love is and what they say they are experiencing.

This effect was most pronounced for differences in caregiving, except for the item that asked "How much do you lust for your partner? which was most highly correlated with descrepancies between how much sexual attraction they think their should be and what they say they are experiencing.

 

Self Report Item	Love Test Scale
	Total	Caregiving	Attachment	Sexual Attraction
How much do you love your partner?	-0.35	-0.35	-0.31	-0.29
How much do you like your partner?	-0.53	-0.52	-0.45	-0.46
How much do you lust for your partner?	-0.31	-0.28	-0.29	-0.37
How likely is it that you will still be together in 5 years?	-0.42	-0.45	-0.35	-0.30
How satisfied are you with your relationship?	-0.61	-0.63	-0.51	-0.52

Another way to look at this is to collapse the categories on the self report measures and look at the scale means for each group. For the a) How much do you like your partner?, b) How much do you lust for your partner?, and c) How much do you love your partner? self report items, the following groups were formed:

• People who chose 0 (none) thru 4 on the scale of the original question were put into the "low" group.
• People who chose 5 thru 7 on the scale of the original question were put into the "medium" group.
• People who chose 8 thru 10 (a lot!) on the scale of the original question were put into the "high" group.

For the item: How likely is it that you will still be together in 5 years?:

• People who chose "not likely" or "somewhat likely" were put together into a group;
• People who chose "moderately likely" were put together into a group; and
• People who chose "Very likely" or "totally likely" were put together into a group.

For the item: How satisfied are you with your relationship?:

• People who chose "not satisfied" or "somewhat satisfied" were put together into a group;
• People who chose "moderately satisfied" were put together into a group; and
• People who chose "Very satisfied" or "totally satisfied" were put together into a group.

In general, the lower people rated their relationship in terms of liking, lusting after, and the likelihood of being together in 5 years, the larger was the difference between what they think love should be and what they are currently experiencing (see table below).

Descrepancies Between What people think love is and what they report experiencing between the Groups Defined by How Much They Say They Love Their Partner
How much do you love your partner?	Total Score		Caregiving		Attachment		Sexual Attraction		N
	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD
Low (0-4)	22.0	21.2	26.3	22.3	16.3	21.2	19.6	26.0	436
Medium (5-7)	14.4	17.2	18.0	18.4	8.6	17.2	13.3	21.8	1,327
High (8-10)	4.5	13.2	7.3	14.4	0.1	13.2	2.3	17.0	7,207

Descrepancies Between What people think love is and what they report experiencing between the Groups Defined by How Much They Say They Like Their Partner
How much do you like your partner?	Total Score		Caregiving		Attachment		Sexual Attraction		N
	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD
Low (0-4)	40.1	20.0	46.3	21.3	28.6	21.1	39.2	27.0	175
Medium (5-7)	23.8	18.4	27.8	19.8	16.9	18.6	23.0	23.1	795
High (8-10)	4.4	12.5	7.3	13.6	0.1	12.9	2.2	16.4	8,000

Descrepancies Between What people think love is and what they report experiencing between the Groups Defined by How Much They Say They Lust for Their Partner
How much do you lust for your partner?	Total Score		Caregiving		Attachment		Sexual Attraction		N
	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD
Low (0-4)	21.0	21.7	23.2	22.9	15.1	21.2	25.4	28.3	706
Medium (5-7)	9.9	16.2	12.7	17.5	4.8	16.0	9.4	19.8	1,709
High (8-10)	4.5	12.9	7.6	14.3	0.1	13.0	1.3	15.5	6,555

Descrepancies Between What people think love is and what they report experiencing between the Groups Defined by How Satisfied they say they are with their relationship
How satisfied are you with your relationship?	Total Score		Caregiving		Attachment		Sexual Attraction		N
	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD
Not or Somewhat	21.7	19.0	26.4	20.6	14.6	18.9	20.0	23.3	2,031
Moderately	9.2	12.3	12.2	12.9	4.2	13.2	8.4	17.4	2,181
Very or Totally	-0.6	7.7	1.7	7.9	-4.1	9.3	-3.5	11.8	4,758

Descrepancies Between What people think love is and what they report experiencing between the Groups Defined by Their estimation of how Likely it is that they will still be together in 5 years
How likely is it that you will still be together in 5 years?	Total Score		Caregiving		Attachment		Sexual Attraction		N
	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD	Mean	SD
Not or Somewhat Likely	15.3	18.4	19.7	20.1	9.3	17.9	12.1	21.8	2,727
Moderately Likely	7.0	13.1	10.1	13.8	2.2	13.5	5.3	18.2	2,020
Very or Totally Likely	1.3	10.5	3.4	10.7	-2.5	11.4	-0.3	15.5	4,223

Return to the Concept of Love Dimensions Page.

Return to the Love Test Findings Page.

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