The Communication Process

One of the things that I hope you guys are paying attention is the process of what's going on. I've added a bit to the communication process model that I posted last week... Take a look... Isn't this exactly what's happening???

hurt
frustration  ---> anger ---> hurtful words
put down   <--                   |
rejection      \                 |
etc              <----------------
     \
       \
          -------> Did you mean for me to feel ____?  or
                   I felt ____ when you did _____ and I need _____.
                                |
                                \/
                   communication/understanding
                   increased intimacy & trust

The first cycle is kind of an automatic thing. Where the person feels hurt, immediately gets angry, and then tries to hurt back. That person may not even separate the initial emotion from the anger that resulted from being hurt. Unless one of the participants stops the cycle, I believe that it can lead to serious anger and to physical conflict. Whereas (the downward arrow) I believe that the asking for feedback, and talking about initial feelings (rather than focusing on the anger and acting on it) communication strategy can stop that cycle from even beginning or stop it from escalating. I think the second process is what allows the people here to feel safe and a part of a caring community.

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