On turning initial passion/attraction into a lasting relationship

ahhhh the "highs" of the initial attraction stage of a relationship... It sounds from your description like she as well was enjoying herself. I'd bet she was smiling a lot and was participating enthusiastically in the conversation. I'd also bet that she was sending a lot of signals that indicated that she was enjoying herself and wanted to continue the interaction--check out the female strategies paper for a summary of proceptive and receptive signals during courtship.

I don't think that this kind of attraction is based on knowing who the other person is. I think it's more of an instinctual/arousal based thing that *can* evolve into a relationship as the two people who are attracted to each other get to know each other and develop the emotional intimacy aspects of their relationship (which if they do like what they find can add to the arousal IMO). The thing is that IMO, in relationships that start based more on the passionate aspects of love, we get in pretty deep emotionally *before* we know the person well and our perceptions of the person tend to be biased (The rose colored glasses effect). The potential for something very special is there... but until we know *who* the person is, we can't know for sure if the relationship will endure over time. Isn't having a good relationship all about finding someone who shares many of one's beliefs and goals--who is compatible and then about making sure that over time, as the passion subsides, that the positive feelings continue to outweigh the negative ones?

I'm becoming more and more convinced that in the beginning of a new relationship, that we don't generally find out about how a person deals with strong negative feelings and how good they are at communicating to prevent or resolve the problem *before* it gets to the point of wanting to rip someone's face off. Do they automatically lash out? or can they talk about how they feel and what they need without having to beat their partner up with words? In the beginning there's all sorts of strong positive emotions (which are *easy*) and they feel like they can talk about anything... But then as the relationship progresses, and the two people have to negotiate getting both of their needs met, conflict resolution skills will start making or breaking the relationship. You see, I don't think a relationship can flourish without trust and consideration for each other's needs... unless *both* people are approach things with the goal of working thru having discrepant needs in some areas and actively trying to make sure that both people communicate about the things that have potential to become walls between them. I view these "walls" as being strong negative emotions like frustration, hurt, feelings of betrayal, and the resulting anger when someone you care about seemingly doesn't care about how you feel or about your needs. and I think it's very important to be able to talk about things and work them out *before* the walls get big to overcome.

I also think that in the beginning of a relationship, the "not knowing" adds to the arousal with all the discovery and self-disclosure. My advice if that if you are ready to check out having another relationship, that you should show interest and see how she reacts. If you two do start doing things together, I'd even suggest going so far as to tell her that you are having these wonderful feelings and that you really enjoy being with her and find out where she's at and what she wants in regards to the relationship. Doing that may be risking rejection, but I think finding out what the person thinks and wants and needs is much preferable than just guessing.

---