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On Relationships - morality--a post I wrote for a discussion list.

Peter wrote:
>How do you define morality? (as it relates to sexuality)

>My question is not "What is imoral?", but "how do you decide which
>of lifes options are imoral?".
Ohhh I just love a person who gets off on thinking! *grin* Thinking and sex are the two best things around!

>"What is imoral?"
That's subjective and dependent on the person's values so we could argue about that all day! :)

"how do you decide which of lifes options are imoral?".
Now, this is a question that we can figure out. I think that everyone goes thru a similar process, but because the starting assumptions about what's right & wrong differ, and processing may be influenced more strongly by intellectual or by emotional aspects, the answers we come up with about what's right and wrong differ.

How bout this process... 3 stages

--------------------------------------------------------------
PERCEPTION         PROCESSING               DECISION

              -----> Intellectual -
            /        Reaction       \
Perceive --                           ----> reaction/decision
Something   \                       /       /     \
              -----> Emotional-----    Emotional  Intellectual
                     Reaction
--------------------------------------------------------------

I think that whether the decision about what's moral or not is rational depends on on which component (emotional or intellectual) dominates the processing. I'm beginning to think that we acquire quite a few of our strong feelings about what's right and wrong *long* before we are able to use words and intellectual processing to figure out what's going on. During the first 6 years of our lives for sure... and probably much longer than that (until we can think using abstract concepts) we develop *lots* of strong emotionally based attitudes (the amount being a direct function of how punative of an environment we experience during those years when we figure out how our worlds work). I think that the more strong emotional reactions we have as a result of childhood, the less likely we are to be able to process decisions about what's moral using intellectional/rational processes rather than just being jerked around by our emotions. I also think we have some built in self protection mechanisms eg
Fight:
feel hurt ---> anger ---> hurt back to make it go away.
Flight:
feel hurt ---> anger ---> distance physically and/or emotionally.
that are also involved.

Another aspect that you mention is the situation that we find ourselves in.
>Some people (me included) might think that having an affair is imoral. But I
>know I would do it under the right conditions. Does that make me a "weak"
>person or an "imoral" person? or both? or neither?
Now you're talking about one's ability to behave congruently with one's beliefs if the situation is pushing you to behave contrary to those beliefs. One of my old professers used to say "Never underestimate the power of an evil situation". I'd revise that to read "Never underestimate the power of a *strong* situation". Like the teen (or adult) who has said they aren't gonna have sex with anyone other than their partner... their hormones are raging and is in a situation (eg petting with someone) that says strongly "DO IT!". In this case, we had strong intentions not to do it, strong dispositional pressures (arousal) to do it, and strong situational pressures (partner wants to and is busy escalating that arousal) to do it. IN the case when there are strong situational pressures and/or strong physiological reactions, I don't think that intentions have much of a chance of determining behavior. To answer your question... I think that it would make you *human*. :) You see, I think that even if we are aware of our built in biases, and we are aware of how a situation can push us towards doing something, unless we intentionally do things to minimize the dispositional factors and to try and avoid letting strong situations develop, we don't have a chance in hell of behaving congruently with our intentions. On a side note, I think that the above is what makes it a crime not to tell teenagers what's goin on with their bodies...

After the last few months, I'm thoroughly convinced of the strength (and uncontrollability) of situations in producing outcomes for us (and I do hafta admit that I tend to overestimated my control over the situation).

This person-situation interaction can be simplified into a 3 x 3 matrix. (These two dimensions should be continuums, however it simplifies explaination to present them as a trichotomy). Along the top is Situational influences. Along the side is Dispositional influences. The continuums are defined by strength and direction (valence) of influence.

                      Situational Pressures
                         +      0      -
                      ----------------------
               +      |  a   |  a   |  c   |  
Dispositional         ----------------------
pressures      0      |  a   |  d   |  b   |
                      ----------------------
               -      |  c   |  b   |  b   |
                      ----------------------

Chart symbols
+ = strong pressure to produce the outcome (do it!)
0 = weak or no pressure
- = strong pressure not to produce the outcome (Don't do it!)

Predictions:
a: the outcome of interest will occur
b: the outcome of interest won't occur
c: conflict between the person and the situation (the strongest influence will prevail)
d: poor prediction using a trichotomy, tho using a continuum instead should allow acceptible predictions using the rule that the stronger pressure prevails when both are weak.

So you see, I don't believe that we can always behave how we wanted to or thought we would or even that we can predict how we will behave all the time, because how we act at least partially depends on the situation we're in.

Your rape vs shooting an intruder delemma.
That one's easy. :) That falls under the heuristic of not intentionally hurting others, *unless* it's to protect your life and *maybe* property (I'm ambivalent bout killing to protect property thing).


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